Alex, I'll Take Popes For A Thousand

Now that the craziness of the holidays is over, I thought it time to turn my attention to more intellectual pursuits; something stimulating and fun at the same time. Something that has the potential to turn into a life-changing event with the added bonus of perhaps adding to my meager retirement coffers. Yes, folks, it’s that time of year again when the Jeopardy! Challenge is upon us.

I enjoy Jeopardy! I don’t watch it every night but I try to catch it a couple times a week. I like shouting out the answers with reckless abandon to an empty room, which gives me the advantage of not being embarrassed if I’m incorrect, which I admit happens. I like final Jeopardy! best and give myself a pat on the back if I get the answer correct—especially if the people on the show don’t. I also scowl at the television if the contestant gets things wrong, telling them they’re an idiot and how did they ever make the cut. Yes, things can get pretty hairy at my house around six-thirty each evening.

But here’s the thing, they’re not idiots. Not even close. I’ve taken the test before. I sign up, receive my instructions and on the appointed evening I log in and stare down the timer until the test begins.
You get fifteen seconds per question. Just in case you didn’t know, fifteen seconds is not a long time, especially when you have to type out your answer. At least it doesn’t have to be formatted into a question as it does on the show. But you still have to come up with something. The computer spits out fifty questions, moving on to the next one whether you’re ready for it or not. Afterward, they don’t inform you of your score. If you’ve done well, they’ll call. So far they haven’t.

But before you go judging me and shout out the word idiot, do you know who the pope was in the year 1215? Huh? Do you? Because that’s the caliber of the questions you have to deal with. The fact that I get even a handful correct is pretty impressive—or maybe disturbing because, really, why would one know the answer to such a thing? It’s Pope Innocent III in case you were curious, by the way.

So suffice it to say I won’t be asked to be on the genius tournament with the likes of Ken Jennings any time soon, but nevertheless, there I’ll be on January 10 trying my hardest to find out exactly how much I don’t know.

But keep watching the show. You just might spot me—in the audience.

Happy 2013!